Traveler

– I have a question. (She said)

– What?

– Why can’t we love more than one person?

(I gave a puzzled look, because I was.)

– When one can love her mother and father and sisters and brothers equally, why can’t she get involved romantically with more than one person? Why can’t she care about and want to be with more than one person?

– Do you love someone else?

– No. Idiot. It’s a genuine doubt.

We had been together for two years when this conversation happened. It was a winter night and we were walking down a pleasantly empty street with cars parked on the sides and cold air washed with yellow street lights. There was a shabbily dressed old man, puffing a cigarette on the footpath. The smoke lingered in the cold air. When the cab arrived and before we hopped in, I curled my right hand around her waist, pulled her toward me and kissed her. She looked lovely.

– I don’t know. I mean yes. Why can’t we. Why can’t we love two or for that matter three or four people? (I said)

– I have been thinking about it and I have managed to formulate an explanation.

– What is it?

– It’s not your will that stops you from acknowledging the fact that you have fallen in love with another person (because let us accept it, you can always fall in love irrespective of whether you’re with someone or not) but your current partner’s inability to accept the fact that he/she is sharing a resource which has been earned after much toil and perseverance. As a result, he/she infuses a sense of guilt in you for having done so, in order to get back the complete ownership.

– Do you love someone else? I won’t infuse any guilt in you. Tell me.

– I’ll slap you now.

– Ok. But do you think ownership is the correct word?

– Yes, it is. While in a relationship, people tend to develop a sense of exclusive ownership for their partners. They think they own them. And this is one thing that I have an issue with.

This was just one of the umpteen conversations you have with one of the umpteen people you meet along the way. But I remembered it. I remembered it because she was special.

……..

We were in Goa when she first tasted alcohol, and got drunk. We had been together for four months. I personally believe that when you are intoxicated, you speak the purest of truths. So when she said she loved her niece, I couldn’t help but imagine the two of them pouting together in an imaginary picture. I had an immediate desire to see her niece smile because I knew that if she smiled, she would too. And I would die to see her smile.

– I seriously love her. (She continued)

– I know you do. I know you do (I whispered, brushing my palm at the back of her head, slowly)

There were tears in her eyes. Some unforgettable memories were reflected in the moonlight. We were alone on the beach. Amidst the sound of gushing waves, slapping the wet sand, I bent forward, gently lifted her face and kissed the tear drops trickling down her cheeks. She smiled.

– See, a cat. (She pointed at a cat sitting with elegance, staring at us with its glowing eyes)

– When did it come? It wasn’t there a minute back.

– It’s a cat. Cats are known for this very attribute of not letting people know when they walk. Silly.

We got up and started to walk along the shore and the cat stood there, her eyes glowing in the dark.

……..

– Charity is a selfish act. (She declared)

The roadside restaurant with its cheap but clean open-air chairs and tables was a welcome thing for us after a day’s bike ride in an otherwise dry and barren landscape. We had decided to visit a nearby lesser known town of Ratnagiri. The first time I heard of it was when I read The Glass Palace. King Thebaw of Burma was deported and held in house-arrest by the British in this small town on the western coast of India. Thiba Raja is how he is known in the local dialect.

– Why do you say so? (I asked)

– Why do you do charity?

– To make a positive impact on someone else’s life.

– And do you feel good about it?

– Obviously, I do. I feel a sense of fulfilment.

– That’s why I say charity is a selfish act. Or let me put it in a better way – Charity is never completely a selfless act.

– I beg to differ.

– I beg to kiss. (She said, half smiling)

– Please don’t. I get very conscious while kissing in roadside restaurants (I winked). Moreover, that kid over there has been intermittently staring at us.

– Obviously, he will. And he does not seem to be a kid to me. More of a teenager. Plus, how often does he get to see pretty women here? (This time, she winked at me)

– Oh yes. Such a tease you are.

And she punched me. Well-deserved, it was. We ordered whatever we thought would involve least exposure to dirt and filth and cockroaches during preparations. We had developed this new love of exploring unknown places. I think it is a wonderful thing to do together – To get lost together in a strange place, roam around together, find new people and eat unhygienic food, together and find a way out and back to our homes, together.

She took out her pen and a sheet of paper and drew a sketch of the road, our bike on the right end of it and the field across. I knew what she was up to, so I just sat there looking at her for ten minutes. She took ten minutes to draw a wonderful sketch of the scene in front of us.

– Doesn’t she get bored of your sketches and my music pieces? (I asked)

– No, she doesn’t.

Whenever we went out on trips, she drew sketches of sceneries she really loved. When we returned, I used to compose a music piece reflecting upon the travel. We then used to put the best sketch and a CD with the music piece on it in an envelope and mail it to her niece. She was ten at that time. Apparently she eagerly waited for the envelopes. Like my beloved better-half, I too had started to love that little girl.

……..

2152 AD

I do not know how to run faster than this. I do not know if I am breathing or eating the damp air. Have you tried running for 13 minutes with a heavy rectangular frame in one hand? I guess, not. But here I am panting my way through the deserted aisles and staircases of an ugly glass building. Music. I think music will help me ease my journey. I think I have enough time to put on my headphones. Stop. Open the sling bag. Zip. Here they are. Zip. Put on the bag. Run Run Run. Put on the headphone. Run. Fast. Faster. With the left hand press the little button on the left. Click. The blue light must have turned on. I hear the ding of the music player starting. The music has started. This song. Here comes the edge of the terrace. Get ready. Don’t stop. Pant. Sweat. Don’t be afraid. Yes yes yes. Amidst the artificial lights from the billboards, jump off the terrace. Yes. Now. Jump!

……..

Somewhere in Time

Everyone is a time traveler. Everyone travels through time. Since the beginning of time, every living and non-living entity has been traveling through time, limited only by the velocity (at 1sec/sec, forward) and their lifespans, if any. The travel has always been unidirectional for the entities perceptible to human senses and apparatus designed by humans. I just happen to possess a device that enables me to travel both ways – forward and backward –without being limited by my lifespan. What is lifespan when you can always travel back in time? I loved her. I love her. And therefore, I took the pain to steal the Frame of Reference, as they call it. One can jump through the Frame and emerge at any point in space-time one wishes to. So I wished to emerge at points of time which distinctly defined and developed my love for her.

You will agree when I say that even if you stay with and meet a certain someone on a daily basis, there are only a few moments spent together which stand out as the defining ones of your relationship. It could be your first kiss on the rooftop of a totally unknown office building, or when you see her cry for the first time.

So when I jumped with the Frame from the terrace, I jumped through the Frame.

Oh. I forgot to tell you one thing. You do not emerge in time in your own persona. Once you have entered the Frame, you lose your physical self forever. You become a mere consciousness. You emerge as a part of consciousness of any of the living creatures in the vicinity of the space-time co-ordinates that you have thought of. So, in effect my physical embodiment had died when for the first time I jumped through the Frame. I still believe that death was a very small cost when I get see her and live the moments with her. Therefore, as soon as I jumped through the Frame, I was a cat.

……..

Cat.

I chose this place and this moment because that was the first time she told me about her niece and the first time when I saw tears in her eyes. It had been four months since we had started dating, but as they say, it only takes a moment to fall in love. For me, that was the moment. That was the first time, I had felt my stomach churn in an untamed desire to kiss her and hug her and hold her tight. There was no sexual overtone to the whole act, just the emotion. That day I realized I loved this girl.

I saw the tears again. I saw myself lift her face and kiss her. The kiss looks okay, not great. I would need a lot more practice. I hopped back into the Frame when she and I disappeared from my sight somewhere along the shore.

……..

Teenager.

She was hot. Wait! Was that my consciousness or the boy’s? The fact, however, remains true. She was hot. And I looked like a moron with a heavy face and shabby hair. I remembered this moment because that was the time when I realized I too loved her niece. We both loved a kid, together.

It is a great feeling to finally be comfortable with the fact that you with your partner can care for a child. That you can love and be concerned about a kid and her happiness; That you can be the most powerful person in the world to protect her from the dangers and be gentle enough for her to feel at ease around you. These were the feelings I realized I had for her niece.

When she and I paid the bills and rode away on the bike, I climbed through the Frame behind the tattered back wall of the restaurant.

……..

Smoking Man.

She looked lovely in her knee length dress and I looked idiotic. I have always maintained the fact that she could have done much better in choosing her partner. And have always received a slap in return. I remembered this moment because we had met after a gap of four months and instead of having only the usual customary romantic pillow talks (which we obviously had and I must say I loved them), she impressed me with her extremely evolved stance on relationships.

I do not know if she will ever know that I still love her, unrestricted by our lifespans throughout time and space. I hope she knows that she is loved and has been loved by my multiple selves at many points of time – at the beach, in the restaurant and now.

I exhaled a cloud of smoke that lingered.