Sunset – Part 1

“Father, is there actually a God?”
“Everything’s there until its absence is proven.”

My father never liked to be called Dad, Daddy, Papa, or any thing of that sort. He insisted that I call him Father because he liked the sound of it – Faa-dar.

“There are even aliens flying between the two of us, in their own dimension, imperceptible to human senses and understanding of the universe.”

I used to get excited listening to his talks. My mother always said he was filing my head with all this rubbish, to which he used to say

“This is not rubbish. This is curiosity. I am filling her head with curiosity so that she starts doubting everything, even her senses. That is the highest degree of human consciousness – to be aware of the limitations of one’s senses and try to think beyond them.”

He was a Physics teacher in the neighbourhood school, where I also went. When I was in 4th class, he told me about the force of gravity and gravitational constant, G. I asked him

“Who decided the value of G?”
“It was not decided. It was found.”
“But then why is it 6.023×10^23? It could as well have been 4.013×10^24.”
“If that would have been the case we might not have been on this planet.”
“Does that mean God decided the value?”
“Yes, or maybe, chance decided it.”
“Chance?”
“We live on a spherical rock whose days and nights are decided by a ray of Sun. There are trillions of such rocks and stars in our Galaxy. There are trillions of such galaxies in the Universe, may be countably infinite galaxies. And there might be multiple universes, throughout time. Amongst these possibilities, there might have been a rock with the G of 4.013×10^24 and no one lived there. It happened by chance that ours was what it is and we originated. Chance.”
“You mean this whole world. The history. The Kings. Queens. Rabbits. Mother. Books. Music. Food. Birth. Murder. All happened by a mere chance?”

I was disappointed by the idea. How can my life, my friends, my existence, my parents, grandma, my dog – all of it can be the result of a mere fluke in the universe. The idea kept me awake most of the nights that followed.

Then one fine day, Father decided to leave us and go to Himalayas in search of truth and peace long forgotten. There was a huge hue and cry in the house. I was in the 5th class when this happened. My grandparents, neighbours, relatives, all of them camped at our house to convince him but he wouldn’t give in. My mother cried for three days and I was depressed by all of it.

He was sitting on the cane chair in the balcony one evening when I went up to him and

“Why are you leaving?”
“I am leaving to have answers for your questions.”
“But I don’t have any questions.”
“You just asked one.”

—

“Will you come back?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
He kept aside his book and asked me to sit on his lap. I climbed and sat. Then he lifted his right hand and pointed at the setting sun.

“Then.”

I didn’t understand.

“I didn’t ask where. I asked when. When will you come back, father?”
“Then.”
“Please don’t go. I’ll miss you.”

He wiped the tears off my cheeks.

“I, too, will miss you.”

—

(to be concluded)